--- title: I'm struggling to process childhood experiences that I've only shared with my best friend and husband. During my childhood, my step-sibling (who was a year younger) and I engaged in inappropriate touching. I have gaps in my memory about when this occurred and how long it lasted. These memories, along with other parts of my childhood, feel fragmented or missing. I know I need professional help to process this, but I'm finding it difficult to trust a therapist enough to share these experiences. I worry that without being able to open up about this part of my life, I won't be able to recover or understand these memories. What should I do? ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for trusting us with this, especially knowing you have told very few people in your life. Only you know what is best for yourself and your... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/im-struggling-to-process-childhood-experiences-that-ive-only-shared-with-my-best-friend-and-husband-during-my-childhood-my-step-sibling-who-was-a-year-younger-and-i-engaged-in-inappropriate-touching-i.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 # I'm struggling to process childhood experiences that I've only shared with my best friend and husband. During my childhood, my step-sibling (who was a year younger) and I engaged in inappropriate touching. I have gaps in my memory about when this occurred and how long it lasted. These memories, along with other parts of my childhood, feel fragmented or missing. I know I need professional help to process this, but I'm finding it difficult to trust a therapist enough to share these experiences. I worry that without being able to open up about this part of my life, I won't be able to recover or understand these memories. What should I do? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences) Thank you for trusting us with this, especially knowing you have told very few people in your life. Only you know what is best for yourself and your situation, but let me share a bit about what I know and strategies that have worked for myself and other survivors. [Memory fragmentation](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fnews.northwestern.edu%2Fstories%2F2015%2F08%2Ftraumatic-memories-hide-retrieve-them%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en-US&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=ed67cf29-5538-417a-9d25-dea64f6dd038&sig=80728fccbed3fb58ef57ff1446e2dd8250a7a411ce86fb45a7b4da229a95eb5e) around traumatic or confusing childhood experiences is incredibly common. Our brains have sophisticated protective mechanisms that can partition difficult memories, particularly from childhood, as a way of helping us cope and function. Think of it like a filing system that temporarily stores certain files in a separate cabinet until we're better equipped to process them. Sometimes, these protective mechanisms create memory gaps - periods of time that feel hazy or incomplete. This doesn't mean the memories are lost - rather, they're often stored differently than regular memories, which can make them feel fragmented or unclear. The fact that you've only shared this with two very trusted people in your life makes perfect sense. Trust is built gradually - you need to feel secure with each step before taking the next one. The challenge you're facing with the idea of sharing with a therapist reflects how deeply personal and sensitive these experiences are, and how important it is to feel completely safe before opening up about them. When it comes to working with a therapist, you don't have to share everything in the first session, or even the first several sessions. Professional therapeutic relationships are built over time, and good therapists understand this. You might start by sharing less vulnerable aspects of your experience, testing how the therapist responds, and gradually building trust based on their reactions and support. It's completely appropriate to let potential therapists know about your hesitations - this kind of honesty can actually help build the therapeutic relationship and allow them to better support you. [Looking for a therapist](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fus%2Ftherapists&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en-US&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=ed67cf29-5538-417a-9d25-dea64f6dd038&sig=ccd16f54064ff007f9752b3a3339a52cdab6717b07c7d6488fc2f2d677572f2a) who specializes in childhood trauma and memory processing can be particularly helpful. These professionals have specific training in helping people navigate fragmented memories and understand childhood experiences. They often use approaches like [EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmy.clevelandclinic.org%2Fhealth%2Ftreatments%2F22641-emdr-therapy&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en-US&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=ed67cf29-5538-417a-9d25-dea64f6dd038&sig=87df9eaeae9b98ec14c91eafbe3044f579089321aeebf3357cd4b46ce26ac1ea) or other trauma-informed techniques that can be especially effective for processing childhood memories. Consider interviewing several therapists to find someone you connect with, and remember that you have the right to control the pace of what you share and when you share it. It's also worth noting that the goal isn't necessarily to recover every detail of these experiences. Sometimes, understanding our emotional responses and learning to process the impact of these experiences can be more healing than recovering specific memories. The brain's protective mechanisms exist for a reason, and healing can occur even without full memory recovery. Many people have walked similar paths and found that with the right support, they could work through these experiences at their own pace. Remember that you've already shown incredible strength by acknowledging these experiences and recognizing your need for support. The fact that you've been able to share this with two trusted people in your life is significant progress. This reaching out, even anonymously, is another brave step forward. Moving ahead at your own pace, with the right professional support, can help you understand and process these experiences in a way that feels safe and manageable. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone. 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[English](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-process-childhood-experiences-that-ive-only-shared-with-my-best-friend-and-husband-during-my-childhood-my-step-sibling-who-was-a-year-younger-and-i-engaged-in-inappropriate-touching-i)[Español](/es/answer/im-struggling-to-process-childhood-experiences-that-ive-only-shared-with-my-best-friend-and-husband-during-my-childhood-my-step-sibling-who-was-a-year-younger-and-i-engaged-in-inappropriate-touching-i)[日本語](/ja/answer/im-struggling-to-process-childhood-experiences-that-ive-only-shared-with-my-best-friend-and-husband-during-my-childhood-my-step-sibling-who-was-a-year-younger-and-i-engaged-in-inappropriate-touching-i) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready