---
title: I'm struggling to categorize a childhood experience. At 4... ~ Our Wave Community
description: Thank you for sharing this complex and sensitive childhood memory. It's understandable that you're grappling with how to interpret these events from when you...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237.md
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Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El 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Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=jp)[\[Image: 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# I'm struggling to categorize a childhood experience. At 4 years old in preschool, I would take a quiet boy to the girls' bathroom. I'd use the toilet while he stood there, though I covered myself. After seeing two children kiss, I attempted to kiss him, but it didn't happen - either I stopped or someone intervened. I'm unsure if this was innocent child behavior or COCSA.

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Understanding specific types of trauma and harm](/en/learn/topics/understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm)

Thank you for sharing this complex and sensitive childhood memory. It's understandable that you're grappling with how to interpret these events from when you were so young.

At 4 years old, children are naturally curious about bodies and relationships, but they lack the maturity to fully understand boundaries or consent. Your actions - taking the boy to the bathroom, attempting to mimic a kiss you saw - seem to reflect normal childhood curiosity rather than intentional harmful behavior.

It's important to remember that at that age, you were still learning about privacy and social norms. The fact that you covered yourself shows some awareness of bodily privacy, even if you didn't fully grasp why the boy shouldn't be in the girls' bathroom.

The term [COCSA](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ourwave.org%2Fpost%2Fchild-on-child-sexual-abuse-cocsa-frequently-asked-questions-and-considerations&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=e098731e-c172-4b0a-bef3-5260e53dbe58&sig=70057f8a74f400b6505c541482fb4f8fbcb1f1464a84ec8c39f3ccf3b9ff0413) (child-on-child sexual abuse) typically involves a significant age difference or power imbalance, which doesn't seem to be the case here. However, only you can decide how to label or interpret your experiences.

If these memories are causing you distress, it might be helpful to speak with a child development specialist or therapist. They can offer professional insight into typical childhood behaviors and help you process these memories in a healthy way.

Remember, it's normal for our understanding and feelings about childhood events to change as we grow older. Be kind to yourself as you work through these memories. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone.

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Bolivia\]Bolivia](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237)[Español](/es/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237)[日本語](/ja/answer/im-struggling-to-categorize-a-childhood-experience-at-4-years-old-in-preschool-i-would-take-a-quiet-boy-to-the-girls-bathroom-id-use-the-toilet-while-he-stood-there-though-i-covered-myself-after-seeing-two-children-kiss-i-attempted-to-kiss-him-but-it-didnt-happen-either-i-stopped-or-someone-intervened-im-unsure-if-this-was-innocent-child-behavior-or-cocsa-237)

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready