--- title: I'm feeling invalidated after being raped. The prosecution has refused to move forward with my case and hasn't gotten my rape kit results back yet. I feel silenced and pushed aside. What can I do from here? ~ Our Wave Community description:

I'm so deeply sorry for what you're going through. The pain you're feeling right now - that sense of being invalidated, silenced, and pushed aside - is... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/im-feeling-invalidated-after-being-raped-the-prosecution-has-refused-to-move-forward-with-my-case-and-hasnt-gotten-my-rape-kit-results-back-yet-i-feel-silenced-and-pushed-aside-what-can-i-do-from-here.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 # I'm feeling invalidated after being raped. The prosecution has refused to move forward with my case and hasn't gotten my rape kit results back yet. I feel silenced and pushed aside. What can I do from here? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of adult experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-adult-experiences)[Seeking help after trauma](/en/learn?tags=seeking-help-after-trauma-1) I'm so deeply sorry for what you're going through. The pain you're feeling right now - that sense of being invalidated, silenced, and pushed aside - is heartbreaking and so unfair. You came forward with tremendous courage, you trusted a system that was supposed to support you, and instead you've been met with what feels like indifference and abandonment. That's not just disappointing; it's wrong, and your anger and hurt about this are completely justified. What's happening to you is unfortunately far too common, but knowing that doesn't make your individual pain any less real or significant. You deserved better from the very beginning, and you continue to deserve better now. The way you're being treated is adding trauma on top of trauma, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling lost and questioning what to do next. First, please know that the prosecution's refusal to move forward says absolutely nothing about the truth of what happened to you or your worth as a person. The criminal justice system is deeply flawed when it comes to sexual violence, and their decision reflects those systemic failures, not the reality of your experience. You know what happened to you, and that truth remains unchanged regardless of what prosecutors decide to do with your case. The fact that they haven't even gotten your rape kit results back yet adds another layer of harm to what you've already endured. This evidence represents your body, your trauma, and your hope for justice. You have every right to be furious about this. You can contact the crime lab directly to demand information about the status of testing, and victim advocacy organizations can help you push for answers and action. I want you to know that while the criminal legal system has failed you, there are other paths forward that might feel more empowering and healing. Civil litigation operates under different standards and can sometimes provide a sense of justice and accountability when criminal cases don't move forward. In civil court, you have more control over the process, and the standard of proof is lower, focusing on what's more likely true rather than certainty beyond a reasonable doubt. Many survivors also find healing and a sense of justice through restorative approaches that center your needs and healing rather than punishment. These might include community accountability processes, facilitated dialogues if and when you're ready, or healing circles that focus on your restoration and the community's response to harm. The power in these approaches is that you get to define what accountability and healing look like for you. Your voice and your story have power, and many survivors find that advocacy and activism become transformative forms of both healing and justice. When you're ready - and only when you're ready - sharing your experience can help other survivors feel less alone and can push for the systemic changes that are so desperately needed. Whether that's through speaking out, supporting other survivors, working with organizations to change policies, or engaging in community education, your experience can become a force for change. Creative expression offers another pathway for processing this pain and reclaiming your voice. Writing, art, music, or other creative outlets allow you to tell your story on your own terms and can serve as both personal healing and public testimony. Some survivors find that transforming their pain into art helps them feel less powerless and gives them a way to connect with others who understand. Right now, though, your healing needs to be the priority. Connecting with a trauma-informed counselor who understands sexual violence can provide you with a safe space to process not just the original trauma, but this secondary trauma of being failed by the system. Support groups with other survivors can help you feel less isolated and remind you that you're not alone in this struggle. Building a network of people who believe you, support you, and validate your experience is crucial for your healing. You didn't deserve what happened to you, and you don't deserve how you're being treated now. The system's failure is not your failure. Your worth, your truth, and your right to healing and justice remain intact, even when institutions fail you. You have the right to define what justice and healing look like in your own life, and there are people and resources ready to support you in whatever path feels right for you. Your voice matters, your experience matters, and you matter. Thank you for trusting us. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/im-feeling-invalidated-after-being-raped-the-prosecution-has-refused-to-move-forward-with-my-case-and-hasnt-gotten-my-rape-kit-results-back-yet-i-feel-silenced-and-pushed-aside-what-can-i-do-from-here#comments) ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. 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Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready