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title: I'm a man in my mid-30s trying to cope with the impact of... ~ Our Wave Community
description: Thank you for trusting this space with your story. What you experienced was profound betrayal by multiple people who should have protected you, and the...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario.md
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# I'm a man in my mid-30s trying to cope with the impact of childhood sexual abuse by multiple perpetrators over several years. The abuse began when I was very young and involved different people in various contexts—including family members, someone in a position of authority, and others in my life. This has left me with severe anxiety, compulsive sexual behaviors, and a profound struggle with my identity. I'm reaching out to see if anyone has found a path to healing from complex and repeated trauma.

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Managing emotions and how you feel in your body](/en/learn?tags=managing-emotions-and-how-you-feel-in-your-body)[Understanding and embracing healing](/en/learn?tags=understanding-and-embracing-healing)

Thank you for trusting this space with your story. What you experienced was profound betrayal by multiple people who should have protected you, and the courage it takes to reach out and name these experiences is significant. You deserved safety, protection, and care throughout your childhood, and none of what happened to you was your fault.

What you're describing, abuse by multiple perpetrators across different environments and relationships, is often called complex trauma or polyvictimization. This type of trauma can be particularly devastating because it happened repeatedly during critical developmental periods when your brain and nervous system were still forming. When children experience sexual abuse at very young ages, especially by multiple people, it can profoundly impact their sense of safety, trust, boundaries, and identity. The symptoms you're experiencing are common responses to this kind of pervasive trauma. These aren't signs of weakness or damage; they're evidence that your mind and body have been working incredibly hard to survive and cope with unbearable circumstances.

The reactions your body showed during and after the abuse were your nervous system's way of expressing what was too overwhelming to process at the time. Children's bodies and minds respond to trauma in ways that help them survive, even when those responses later become sources of pain or shame. Your reactions were adaptive responses to impossible situations, not character flaws. It's completely natural to feel overwhelmed, or even disconnected from who you are. The fact that you survived such repeated violations reflects a deep resilience within you, even when it may feel like those experiences have taken over your life.

Healing from complex trauma is absolutely possible, though it's often not a linear journey. Many survivors find that healing involves working with trauma-informed therapists who specialize in childhood sexual abuse and complex PTSD. There are mental health professionals who specialize in working specifically with people who have faced childhood abuse and betrayal by loved ones. Approaches like [EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.apa.org%2Fptsd-guideline%2Ftreatments%2Feye-movement-reprocessing&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=f599a242-55cd-4428-9822-d1fd0647a789&sig=c4afe375a1c9020455597bef1f2188e2fbe3567a9a111f1c0c14022834fcf87a), [Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fus%2Ftherapy-types%2Ftrauma-focused-cognitive-behavior-therapy%3Fmsockid%3D1103576693d9679310b645d892bb66b2&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=f599a242-55cd-4428-9822-d1fd0647a789&sig=abf3f04d7318edb77cbce8e8bf077b6e0ad464b9256806437e04607c782604f4), [Somatic Experiencing](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fpositivepsychology.com%2Fsomatic-experiencing%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=f599a242-55cd-4428-9822-d1fd0647a789&sig=5a8b943f740b0f66bf7537289ed7deee6cfb09e6234c36e20565775b183ddb89), and [Internal Family Systems](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fus%2Ftherapy-types%2Finternal-family-systems-therapy%3Fmsockid%3D1103576693d9679310b645d892bb66b2&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=f599a242-55cd-4428-9822-d1fd0647a789&sig=2fbde19bcd719936ef99dd4ec47a876a4dd6c76571919f7ca8cf328dc65b968f) have helped many people process traumatic memories and rebuild a sense of safety in their bodies and lives. For some, this might include approaches that concentrate on noticing and gradually releasing the physical impact of those early violations. For others, it might look like exploring the emotional and relational wounding that happened when trusted figures betrayed you. Whatever path you choose, you will not be alone if you decide to seek support from a counselor experienced in childhood sexual trauma.

Sharing your story in a confidential setting, whether with a therapist or in a supportive group specifically for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse, can help alleviate the intense shame and fear that abusers often imprint on survivors. There is something potent about being heard and believed—especially if you rarely felt that validation in childhood. Some survivors also find support groups to be powerful spaces for connection and validation. Part of healing often involves learning to recognize how trauma has shaped your nervous system and discovering tools to help regulate anxiety and compulsive patterns. Coping strategies you adopted as a child, like certain compulsive behaviors or dissociation, were once your mind and body's way of surviving. With the right help, many survivors learn new ways to navigate daily life without relying on the very patterns that now hold them back. This might include working with the body through movement, breathwork, mindfulness, or other somatic practices that help you reconnect with yourself in gentle ways. Many survivors also benefit from exploring their identity and sense of self separate from the trauma—reclaiming parts of themselves that existed before the abuse or discovering new aspects they want to cultivate now. This process can be messy and you may feel uncertain at times, but it often involves rediscovering the parts of yourself you had to bury or hide just to get through each day.

You asked if others have found paths to healing, and the answer is yes. It's understandable to wonder if healing is truly possible when trauma has included so many different people and settings, each betrayal reinforcing the last. Yet many who've lived through repeated abuses do find that with dedicated support, the sense of unrelenting pain can lessen and something closer to wholeness can emerge. Recovery doesn't necessarily mean the trauma never happened or that you'll never be affected by it, but many survivors do find ways to reduce the intensity of their symptoms, develop healthier relationships with themselves and others, reclaim their sexuality in ways that feel authentic and safe, and build lives that feel meaningful and connected. This doesn't happen overnight, and it often involves setbacks along the way, but many survivors speak of eventually feeling more stable, regaining a sense of identity, and recovering the capacity for genuine connection and trust. Healing happens in relationship—with supportive others and with yourself—and it happens at your own pace.

In your mid-thirties, taking this step toward voicing what happened and asking if healing is possible is a meaningful move in itself. If you can, consider gradually connecting with a professional who is comfortable addressing childhood sexual abuse, betrayal by loved ones, and the cycling anxiety or compulsive habits that stem from trauma. Look for someone who understands the long shadows that such early abuse can cast on adulthood—and who believes that people can change and grow, no matter how deep the pain. You deserve comprehensive, compassionate support as you navigate this healing journey, and reaching out like this is already a part of that healing process. What you've endured does not define your core worth, even if it sometimes feels all-encompassing. You have survived so much, and in that survival rests a strength that can carry you forward. You are not alone, and you deserve that same chance to heal at your own pace. Thank you for reaching out to us.

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Guatemala\]Guatemala](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/answer/im-a-man-in-my-mid-30s-trying-to-cope-with-the-impact-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-by-multiple-perpetrators-over-several-years-the-abuse-began-when-i-was-very-young-and-involved-different-people-in-vario?country=ve)

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready