--- title: At a house party in August, I was very drunk and blacked out on the bathroom floor. A guy came to check on me, and I ended up on his lap. I have a memory of saying "we shouldn't do this, I'm in love with someone else," and he said "I don't care" before we kissed. He later told my friends I was imagining the dialogue because of SSRIs, but I hadn't started taking SSRIs until two months after that night. Then at New Year's, we were alone again while I was extremely drunk and could barely walk. He kissed me, made a move toward my neck and chest, and I pushed him away and started saying no. He eventually stopped. I went and cried to a friend afterward. When I told my friend group, they said I was misremembering and that it didn't count as sexual assault, even though he admitted to kissing me while I was blacked out. Only one friend believes me. I feel disgusted and I don't know what to do. ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. Your memory does not need to be perfect for your experience to be real and the people around you not believing... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇹🇷 # At a house party in August, I was very drunk and blacked out on the bathroom floor. A guy came to check on me, and I ended up on his lap. I have a memory of saying "we shouldn't do this, I'm in love with someone else," and he said "I don't care" before we kissed. He later told my friends I was imagining the dialogue because of SSRIs, but I hadn't started taking SSRIs until two months after that night. Then at New Year's, we were alone again while I was extremely drunk and could barely walk. He kissed me, made a move toward my neck and chest, and I pushed him away and started saying no. He eventually stopped. I went and cried to a friend afterward. When I told my friend group, they said I was misremembering and that it didn't count as sexual assault, even though he admitted to kissing me while I was blacked out. Only one friend believes me. I feel disgusted and I don't know what to do. \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of adult experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-adult-experiences) Thank you so much for trusting us with this. Your memory does not need to be perfect for your experience to be real and the people around you not believing you does not change what happened to your body. Let me start with the SSRI claim, because it matters that you clocked it. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors do not cause a person to fabricate conversations or insert dialogue that never happened. They affect mood regulation and anxiety over time. Using medication to dismiss someone's account of a specific event is not a clinical argument, it is a deflection. The fact that you were not even on the medication yet makes it demonstrably false, and it tells you something about how this person operates. What you are describing across both incidents follows a pattern that researchers who study alcohol-facilitated assault recognize consistently. Being too intoxicated to walk, being blacked out on a bathroom floor, these are not gray areas. Capacity to consent requires being conscious and genuinely free to make a decision. Blacking out is a physiological state, not a choice. And in the first incident, when you did surface enough to speak, what you said was "we shouldn't do this." His response, "I don't care," tells you everything about whether your wishes were being considered. In the second incident, you pushed him away and said no. He eventually stopped. Stopping only after someone physically resists and says no out loud is not respecting consent. It means the boundary had to be stated and enforced before he acknowledged it. Some people use the term alcohol-facilitated sexual assault to describe experiences like these, and only you get to decide if that language fits what happened to you. The social dynamics you are describing seems to align with a pattern researchers often discuss [DARVO](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fharbormentalhealth.com%2F2025%2F10%2F31%2Fdarvo-manipulation-how-to-spot-and-protect-yourself%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=2f163ea5-7980-416f-82dc-dd3c3f6efba9&sig=b9730d4ded145d01d698b6413734b721314227e3e3de9cff7d54371482ae507e), which stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. The person who caused harm denies what happened, attacks your credibility, and repositions himself as the wronged party. His SSRI story is a textbook example of this. When a friend group absorbs that narrative, it can feel like reality itself is being rewritten around you. What he did with that lie is sometimes called gaslighting, deliberately causing someone to doubt their own accurate sense of what happened. It is a form of harm in itself, separate from the original incidents, and it explains a lot of the disorientation you are feeling right now. What you are feeling right now makes sense. When something violating happens and the people around you refuse to acknowledge it, the body often responds in ways that are hard to name. Those feelings are not a sign that something is wrong with you. They are a signal that something was done to you that violated your sense of safety and dignity. One thing that can help when the people around you are working to destabilize your account is to write everything down privately. Dates, details, the exact words you remember. Not to prove anything to anyone else, but to anchor yourself in your own record when outside pressure is pushing you to let go of it. You have one friend who believes you. Hold onto that. You do not need the whole group. If you want support outside your social circle, RAINN's confidential line is available around the clock at 1-800-656-4673 or rainn.org. If you are in Turkey, the Women's Support Line at 183 offers free, confidential guidance. And when you feel ready, a trauma-informed therapist can give you a space where your experience is the only thing that matters and no one is there to contest it. You reached out here even while people you trusted were telling you not to trust yourself. We believe you. Thank you for trusting us. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i#comments) #### Just Checking... #### Discard Message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? 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Honduras\]Honduras](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i)[Español](/es/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i)[日本語](/ja/answer/i-was-sure-i-was-sexually-assaulted-but-my-friends-dont-believe-me-so-now-i-am-left-wondering-myself-too-at-august-i-threw-a-house-party-with-my-childhood-friends-a-guy-there-was-really-into-me-and-i) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the 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Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready