---
title: I previously posted about a childhood incident with my... ~ Our Wave Community
description: Thank you for reaching back out and sharing this with us. I can hear how much this is affecting you, and it's completely understandable that these memories...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/i-previously-posted-about-a-childhood-incident-with-my-neighbor-after-posting-a-repressed-memory-surfaced-i-now-realize-he-was-being-abused-by-his-caregiver-i-remember-her-and-her-boyfriend-being-pres.md
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# I previously posted about a childhood incident with my neighbor. After posting, a repressed memory surfaced - I now realize he was being abused by his caregiver. I remember her and her boyfriend being present. She was directing things, with her boyfriend encouraging her. I can vividly recall details - my neighbor's thick striped shirt, my pink outfit. The caregiver instructed us in inappropriate sexual behavior. I had such a crush on him at the time. The worst part was when she told him to "do this to as many girls as you can." Even at that young age, I was heartbroken thinking he would do this with others, not just me. Looking back, I believe this caregiver had an inappropriate relationship with him and orchestrated subsequent incidents between us. These experiences were physically and emotionally painful. The memories are so vivid I can still recall specific sensory details. Why did we feel such emotional connection at that age? This has been weighing heavily on me lately, especially since he has no contact with me now and seems to treat me as if it was my fault. The rejection really hurts.

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)

Thank you for reaching back out and sharing this with us. I can hear how much this is affecting you, and it's completely understandable that these memories and feelings are surfacing now. First and foremost, please know that what happened to you and your neighbor was abuse perpetrated by adults who exploited two innocent children. None of it was your fault - not the initial abuse, not the subsequent behaviors, and not your neighbor's current response.

Your question about how young bodies and minds process such experiences is profound and complex. Our brains and bodies have natural mechanisms for handling stress and trauma, but childhood sexual abuse creates unique challenges because it occurs during crucial developmental periods. Children's minds often cope by compartmentalizing or repressing traumatic experiences - which explains why some memories may be surfacing only now. The physical and emotional experiences become intertwined in ways that can be confusing and overwhelming for a child's developing nervous system. This is why you might have experienced such intense emotional connections despite your young age - your body and mind were trying to make sense of experiences they weren't equipped to process.

The "crush" feelings and desire for connection you describe are common responses when children are sexualized at a young age. Our bodies and hearts are indeed capable of sensing and seeking connection at a very young age, but these natural inclinations were manipulated by adults who should have protected you. The emotional bonds we form in childhood can be incredibly strong and often influence our relationships later in life. When these normal developmental processes are disrupted by trauma, it can create lasting patterns in how we relate to others and understand intimacy.

Your neighbor's current behavior - distancing himself and projecting blame - is sadly a common trauma response. Many survivors cope by avoiding reminders of the abuse, displacing their anger onto other victims rather than the actual perpetrators, and struggling to process their own role as both a victim and someone who hurt others. He may be grappling with his own memories and emotions, which can manifest in denial or misplaced blame. While this doesn't excuse his actions, it might help explain his response. The vivid sensory memories you describe are also typical of trauma memories. Our brains often preserve these details as a protective mechanism, even when other aspects are repressed.

Be gentle with yourself as you process these memories and emotions. It's natural to feel a range of feelings—from sadness and anger to confusion and longing. Working with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in childhood sexual abuse can provide valuable support. They can help you understand how your young mind protected itself and how to integrate these experiences in a healthy way now. Healing isn't linear, and it's okay to have periods where memories and feelings surface more strongly. You showed incredible strength in breaking through repression to face these memories. That same strength will help you heal. You deserved protection then, and you deserve support now. Thank you so much for trusting us with this. You are not alone.

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready