---
title: I often feel like a burden to others and wish I could... ~ Our Wave Community
description: Thank you for reaching out to us with such deeply personal feelings. I want to start by saying that it takes immense strength to name the pain you're...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h.md
---

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# I often feel like a burden to others and wish I could disappear. My trauma happened long ago and continued for an extended period, so it feels normal to me now. However, I still encounter the person who hurt me regularly, and each time feels like reopening a wound. Shouldn't I be over this by now? How do I begin healing?

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Managing emotions and how you feel in your body](/en/learn/topics/managing-emotions-and-how-you-feel-in-your-body)[Understanding and embracing healing](/en/learn/topics/understanding-and-embracing-healing)

Thank you for reaching out to us with such deeply personal feelings. I want to start by saying that it takes immense strength to name the pain you're carrying, and I'm honored that you've trusted us with your story. What you're experiencing--all of it--makes complete sense, and you are not alone in feeling this way.

There is no timeline for healing from trauma, and the question "shouldn't I be over this by now?" is one that nearly every survivor asks themselves. The truth is that healing is not linear, and there is no expiration date on the impact of sexual violence, especially when it occurred repeatedly over time. Your feelings are valid, your timeline is your own, and there is no "right" way to process what you've been through.

When sexual violence happens over an extended period, it can become deeply embedded in how our nervous system functions and how we understand ourselves. Your brain adapted to survive those experiences, which is why they may feel "normal" even though they caused you profound harm. This adaptation was actually your mind's way of protecting you, though I know it may not feel protective now.

Having to see the person who hurt you regularly adds an incredibly painful dimension to your healing journey. Each encounter can activate your trauma response and bring all those feelings flooding back as if the harm just happened yesterday. This isn't a sign that you're not healing. It's your nervous system trying to keep you safe. Your body remembers, and that's not something you can simply will away.

Those feelings of being a burden or wanting to disappear are trauma responses that many survivors carry. They often stem from the shame and self-blame that trauma can create, but I need you to hear this clearly: you are not a burden. You are a human being who has survived something unimaginable, and you deserve love, support, and space to heal. The voice telling you otherwise is trauma speaking, not truth.

If you're having thoughts of wanting to disappear or harm yourself, please know that support is available right now. You can call or text 988 to reach the [Suicide & Crisis Lifeline](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2F988lifeline.org%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=2e2005ad-0a81-4836-8bc9-661f9c8ce5de&sig=966995eb2d263f1c3b87ea58d2b3a7f02be2dd53cd325579cf2b9dbd2b5cb09b), where trained counselors are available 24/7 to listen and help. For support specifically related to sexual violence, the [National Sexual Assault Hotline](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Frainn.org%2Fresources&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=2e2005ad-0a81-4836-8bc9-661f9c8ce5de&sig=c6a81c15c703a3cd1a2055d2b489295117d0fa11201338d7150dc3e0fd092677) at 1-800-656-4673 provides free, confidential support around the clock and can connect you with local resources.

Healing is possible, even when it feels impossible. It often begins with finding safe spaces and people who truly understand trauma. A trauma-informed therapist who specializes in sexual violence can help you process these experiences at your own pace and develop tools for managing the difficult moments. Many survivors find approaches like [EMDR](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmy.clevelandclinic.org%2Fhealth%2Ftreatments%2F22641-emdr-therapy&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=2e2005ad-0a81-4836-8bc9-661f9c8ce5de&sig=87df9eaeae9b98ec14c91eafbe3044f579089321aeebf3357cd4b46ce26ac1ea), [somatic therapy](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.health.harvard.edu%2Fblog%2Fwhat-is-somatic-therapy-202307072951&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=2e2005ad-0a81-4836-8bc9-661f9c8ce5de&sig=3b70109b4a01a36eb83273dc873727d1f7dad5b22bd905a15ff0dba18a1577ae), or [trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fus%2Ftherapy-types%2Ftrauma-focused-cognitive-behavior-therapy%3Fmsockid%3D1103576693d9679310b645d892bb66b2&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=2e2005ad-0a81-4836-8bc9-661f9c8ce5de&sig=abf3f04d7318edb77cbce8e8bf077b6e0ad464b9256806437e04607c782604f4) particularly helpful in addressing the way trauma lives in both mind and body.

You've already taken a big step by reaching out and asking how to heal. That courage lives within you, even on the hardest days when you feel small and broken. Healing is not about forgetting or "getting over" what happened--it's about learning to carry your experiences in a way that allows you to live fully and authentically again. You deserve support, patience, and all the time you need to reclaim your sense of safety and worth. Thank you again for trusting us. You are not alone.

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Paraguay\]Paraguay](/en/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/en/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/en/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/en/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/en/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/en/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/en/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h)[Español](/es/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h)[日本語](/ja/answer/i-often-feel-like-a-burden-to-others-and-wish-i-could-disappear-my-trauma-happened-long-ago-and-continued-for-an-extended-period-so-it-feels-normal-to-me-now-however-i-still-encounter-the-person-who-h)

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready