---
title: After being sexually abused, I noticed I became hypersexual. I'm still dealing with that, and I feel guilty about it. My question is: should I feel guilty for experiencing hypersexuality with someone I like, including having intercourse with them without a formal relationship? I'm from India, and I know that carries a different weight culturally, and that makes the guilt even heavier.

Also, there's something else that weighs on me. Someone made a video of me while I was drunk. In the video, I'm saying things like 'put it in' and I'm moaning and touching them, but I don't actually remember doing any of that or agreeing to being filmed. I don't remember saying those things. Is it still rape if I was participating in the video even though I was too drunk to remember? ~ Our Wave Community
description: <p>Thank you for trusting us with something this personal and this layered. The confusion, the self-doubt, the weight of what you saw in that video, all of...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/i-heard-that-hyper-sexuality-was-the-most-common-response-after-the-sexual-abuse-i-was-facing-hypersexuality-after-all-that-and-maybe-i-still-am-the-question-is-should-i-feel-guilty-for-experiencing-h-956.md
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# After being sexually abused, I noticed I became hypersexual. I'm still dealing with that, and I feel guilty about it. My question is: should I feel guilty for experiencing hypersexuality with someone I like, including having intercourse with them without a formal relationship? I'm from India, and I know that carries a different weight culturally, and that makes the guilt even heavier. Also, there's something else that weighs on me. Someone made a video of me while I was drunk. In the video, I'm saying things like 'put it in' and I'm moaning and touching them, but I don't actually remember doing any of that or agreeing to being filmed. I don't remember saying those things. Is it still rape if I was participating in the video even though I was too drunk to remember?

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Thank you for trusting us with something this personal and this layered. The confusion, the self-doubt, the weight of what you saw in that video, all of that is real and it is a lot to process.

Let me start with the question that matters most and deserves the most direct answer: Yes. What you described is still rape.

[Consent](https://www.wespeak.ie/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Frainn.org%2Fshare-the-facts%2Fconsent-101-respect-boundaries-and-building-trust%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=ie&src=answer&questionId=f8e49394-5970-41dc-a77c-db99dd4d9980&sig=fc1b70e0466ebfc25a749f563e864eb0213264ed0989b4c82b47b390e8bfdbde) means your mind is aware, clear, and free to make a real choice. When someone is intoxicated to the point of having no memory of what happened, that ability is not just reduced. It is completely gone. The fact that you have no memory is itself evidence that you were not in a state where real consent was possible. What your body did during that experience, words spoken, sounds made, physical responses, none of that counts as consent. Your body can respond to touch on its own, the way your knee jerks when a doctor taps it, without your brain being present enough to make any decision. Any words you said may have come from a place of such deep impairment that you were essentially reacting to cues around you without any real awareness. This is something that is well understood and documented in trauma medicine. It does not mean you wanted what was happening. It means you were not present in any meaningful sense to want or not want anything.

The fact that you do not remember saying those words, and yet you can see yourself saying them, is itself a sign of how impaired you were. Memory requires a level of consciousness. You were not conscious enough to form memories. That is incapacitation, meaning your ability to make decisions was completely taken away by how intoxicated you were. The person or people in that video had a responsibility to make sure you were capable of consenting. They did not do that. That responsibility was theirs, not yours.

Researchers use the term freeze and fawn response to describe what happens when the body goes into survival mode during an assault. In that state, the body may comply, cooperate, or even speak, not because the person is choosing to, but because the nervous system is doing what it can to protect itself. Many people who experience sexual violence find that their bodies responded in ways that confuse them deeply afterward, and that confusion is one of the most isolating parts of processing what happened. You are not alone in this, and what your body did does not change what was done to you.

But there is something more here that matters equally. Someone made a video of your assault. They documented your violation without your knowledge or consent. That is a separate crime. A violation layered on top of the violation. Your body and your suffering were turned into content. That video exists, and that fact, all by itself, is profoundly traumatizing. The shame of that does not belong to you. It belongs entirely to the person who made the choice to record it.

If that video still exists, your first step is to find out where it is and what your options are for its removal. You may have legal remedies available to you. You deserve to know if you can take action.

Now, about hypersexuality, which means a noticeable increase in sexual thoughts, feelings, or behavior, and whether you should feel guilty.

You heard correctly that hypersexuality is a common response after sexual abuse. It is widely documented. After something is done to your body without your permission, the mind sometimes reaches for sexual experience on its own terms as a way of taking back a sense of control, seeking connection, or trying to process what happened. For some people, the nervous system gets stuck in a state of heightened activation after trauma, meaning it stays on high alert, and sexuality can become a way of managing overwhelming feelings, searching for closeness, or even finding proof that the body still belongs to you. None of that means something is wrong with you. It means your nervous system is doing something that many, many people experience.

On the specific guilt you are asking about, having sex with someone you like without a defined relationship, you are allowed to pursue intimacy in whatever form feels meaningful and consensual to you. Two people choosing to be physical with each other, both clear-headed and willing, is not something to be ashamed of. What matters is whether the intimacy you are choosing feels like yours, whether it feels like something you are moving toward rather than something pulling you under. If it feels good and chosen and connected to someone you genuinely like, that is not something to feel guilty about.

If guilt is present, it is worth sitting with where it is coming from. Sometimes it reflects what we were taught about sex and self-worth. Sometimes it is the leftover shame from what happened to us, shame that was never ours to carry in the first place. And if you find that hypersexuality sometimes leaves you feeling empty or more disconnected than connected, that is worth paying attention to, not as a moral failing, and as information about what you might need.

A trauma-informed therapist, meaning a therapist who understands how trauma affects the mind and body, can help you understand what your nervous system is seeking and find ways to meet those needs that feel grounding rather than destabilizing.

The responsibility for what was done to you belongs entirely to the people who did it. You get to come back to that truth as many times as you need to. Thank you so much for trusting us with this. You did not deserve what you experienced. We are here for you.

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Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/i-heard-that-hyper-sexuality-was-the-most-common-response-after-the-sexual-abuse-i-was-facing-hypersexuality-after-all-that-and-maybe-i-still-am-the-question-is-should-i-feel-guilty-for-experiencing-h-956?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/i-heard-that-hyper-sexuality-was-the-most-common-response-after-the-sexual-abuse-i-was-facing-hypersexuality-after-all-that-and-maybe-i-still-am-the-question-is-should-i-feel-guilty-for-experiencing-h-956?country=ve)

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready