---
title: I experienced two incidents in my childhood that still... ~ Our Wave Community
description: Thank you for trusting us with this. I want to start by saying that you are absolutely not making too much of these experiences. While only you can decide how...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/i-experienced-two-incidents-in-my-childhood-that-still-affect-me-today-when-i-was-seven-at-a-sleepover-my-friends-14-year-old-brother-isolated-me-kissed-me-without-consent-exposed-himself-to-me-and-lo.md
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# I experienced two incidents in my childhood that still affect me today. When I was seven, at a sleepover, my friend's 14-year-old brother isolated me, kissed me without consent, exposed himself to me, and locked me in a bathroom while threatening me not to tell anyone. Later, when I was ten, a camp counselor inappropriately touched me and another girl while we appeared to be sleeping on a bus, putting his hand inside our waistbands. These memories come back to me daily. I'm trying to understand - were these incidents forms of sexual assault or abuse? Am I overreacting by still thinking about them?

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)

Thank you for trusting us with this. I want to start by saying that you are absolutely not making too much of these experiences. While only you can decide how to characterize or label them, what happened was not your fault. Both situations involved people in positions of power or trust engaging in inappropriate and harmful behavior toward a child. Your ongoing thoughts about these experiences are a natural response - our minds often try to process significant events, especially those from childhood. You are not overreacting by thinking about them. Your feelings and reactions are valid.

In the first incident, when you were seven, the actions of your friend's 14-year-old brother were inappropriate and wrong. He was significantly older and held a position of power due to his age. Kissing you without consent, exposing himself, and then isolating you in the bathroom while insisting on secrecy are all serious boundary violations. You're correct in thinking that he knew what he was doing was wrong—his insistence that you not tell anyone reinforces that. This kind of behavior can certainly be considered sexual abuse, as it involves an older individual engaging in sexual acts with a child who cannot consent. While his young age is a relevant factor in understanding the situation, it doesn't diminish the impact of what happened to you or make it any less of an assault.

The second incident with the camp counselor was unquestionably inappropriate and could also be classified as sexual assault. As someone entrusted with the care of children, the counselor had a responsibility to ensure your safety. Placing his hand inside your pants, even if he didn't touch anything else, was a violation of your personal space and trust. The fact that he targeted both you and the girl next to you suggests a pattern of predatory behavior.

The fact that these memories come back to you daily suggests these experiences had a significant impact, which is a completely normal response to sexual trauma. Many survivors find that memories of assault can persist long after the events themselves and it's common for survivors to revisit these memories as they try to make sense of them. You're not making too much of this. Acknowledging the impact these incidents have had on you is an important step toward healing.

Please know that what happened was not your fault. You were a child in both situations, and the responsibility lies entirely with those who chose to violate your boundaries and safety. If you're struggling with these memories, please consider reaching out for support. Many communities have sexual assault resource centers that offer free, confidential counseling with trauma-informed therapists who specialize in childhood sexual abuse. [The RAINN hotline](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Frainn.org%2Fresources&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en-US&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=f8fc2264-7f07-462d-8005-649d29a55a6d&sig=c6a81c15c703a3cd1a2055d2b489295117d0fa11201338d7150dc3e0fd092677) (1-800-656-HOPE) is also available 24/7 with trained counselors who can connect you with local resources.

You are not alone. You deserve understanding, compassion, and support as you navigate these feelings. Reaching out is a significant and brave step forward. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us.

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready