--- title: About a year ago I went on a second date with someone who was in my brother's year at school, so we knew some of the same people. We were sitting in his car in a public area and he kept kissing me. I told him I felt uncomfortable because it was busy, and when he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quieter, I said no. He kissed me again, but this time started touching me sexually. I tried to subtly move his hand away, and when that didn't work, I told him directly to stop and that I wasn't into it, and he did stop. Afterward, he kept saying I was going to accuse him of assault and get him in trouble with people we both know, including my brother. He told me it was my fault he was aroused, made jokes about having to "sort it out himself" because I wouldn't help, brought up people I'd been involved with before and asked if I'd let them touch me, asked if the real problem was that I didn't find him attractive, and then started talking badly about himself until I felt like I had to comfort him. Because he stopped when I asked, I told myself it couldn't have been assault, but it has stayed with me, and lately I keep thinking about it. I don't know if I'm being dramatic. ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for trusting us with this. You're not being dramatic. Delayed distress like this is common and it usually surfaces once your nervous system... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand [\[Image: United States\]United States](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ni)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938)[Español](/es/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938)[日本語](/ja/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938) [ About Us ](https://www.ourwave.org/en/who-we-are) Made with in Raleigh, NC Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) Have feedback? Send it to us 🇮🇪 # About a year ago I went on a second date with someone who was in my brother's year at school, so we knew some of the same people. We were sitting in his car in a public area and he kept kissing me. I told him I felt uncomfortable because it was busy, and when he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quieter, I said no. He kissed me again, but this time started touching me sexually. I tried to subtly move his hand away, and when that didn't work, I told him directly to stop and that I wasn't into it, and he did stop. Afterward, he kept saying I was going to accuse him of assault and get him in trouble with people we both know, including my brother. He told me it was my fault he was aroused, made jokes about having to "sort it out himself" because I wouldn't help, brought up people I'd been involved with before and asked if I'd let them touch me, asked if the real problem was that I didn't find him attractive, and then started talking badly about himself until I felt like I had to comfort him. Because he stopped when I asked, I told myself it couldn't have been assault, but it has stayed with me, and lately I keep thinking about it. I don't know if I'm being dramatic. \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of adult experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-adult-experiences) Thank you for trusting us with this. You're not being dramatic. Delayed distress like this is common and it usually surfaces once your nervous system finally has enough safety and space to look back and process what happened. Let's separate two things, because it sounds like you are carrying multiple things at once. First, the touching itself. You'd already declined to move somewhere more private and shown discomfort through your body before you ever spoke. He touched you sexually anyway. Stopping when you directly told him to matters, but stopping is the floor, not the ceiling. It's the bare minimum, not proof that nothing happened before it. Consent isn't just the absence of a clear no. It requires an ongoing, freely given yes, and that line was crossed before you had to say a word out loud. Second, what happened after sounds like it could be its own kind of harm. It appears that he blamed you for his arousal, accused you ahead of time of planning to report him, brought up your past to imply your limits with him were unfair, and then acted in such a way that you ended up comforting him instead of the other way around. That last part is a form of emotional labor, meaning you were doing caretaking work for the person who'd just harmed you. Researchers call this whole pattern [DARVO](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fharbormentalhealth.com%2F2025%2F10%2F31%2Fdarvo-manipulation-how-to-spot-and-protect-yourself%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=ie&src=answer&questionId=eb11ad58-c8c1-41b5-a615-27ebc18240c0&sig=b9730d4ded145d01d698b6413734b721314227e3e3de9cff7d54371482ae507e): deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. It sounds like he was shaping the story of what happened before you'd even decided what to call it yourself, which might be why you spent a year unsure whether you were allowed to be upset. Experiences like this are often harder to sit with than ones with a single clear moment of force, precisely because there isn't one thing to point to. There's a sequence, and part of that sequence was designed to make you doubt your own read of it. That's not a flaw in your memory or your judgment. That's the manipulation working as intended, and it wearing off now, a year later, is a sign you're seeing it more clearly, not that you're overreacting. Whether you call this assault is yours to decide, in your own time. What happened in that car was real and it was not okay, whatever label you land on. For a next step, write out the sequence of events like you just did here, then read it back later this week without his voice layered over it. If you want to talk it through with someone trained in exactly this kind of hard-to-name situation, RAINN's hotline (1-800-656-4673) and [online chat at rainn.org](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Frainn.org%2Fhelp-and-healing%2Fhotline%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=ie&src=answer&questionId=eb11ad58-c8c1-41b5-a615-27ebc18240c0&sig=f85e5ea770b2488690333c30f82ab528eef716641585b882447cbde73a0e7cd3) are free and confidential. Thank you for reaching out to us. You are not alone. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938#comments) ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand [\[Image: United States\]United States](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=bo)[\[Image: Canada\]Canada](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ca)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ni)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938)[Español](/es/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938)[日本語](/ja/answer/i-am-not-sure-if-what-happened-to-me-was-assault-and-need-advice-about-a-year-ago-i-went-on-a-date-with-someone-who-i-did-not-know-well-but-he-was-in-my-brothers-year-in-school-so-we-knew-some-of-the-938) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with the community. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready