--- title: I am 18 and my parents fight frequently, and my father often curses at my mother. Recently, he threatened to hit her in front of guests. I've tried to get him to apologize, but he doesn't seem remorseful. How do I handle witnessing this ongoing conflict between my parents? ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for trusting us with this. It sounds like you are going through an incredibly tense and distressing situation at home. It can feel scary,... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us [NO MORE Silence, Speak Your Truth Community](https://stories.nomore.org) 🇮🇳 # I am 18 and my parents fight frequently, and my father often curses at my mother. Recently, he threatened to hit her in front of guests. I've tried to get him to apologize, but he doesn't seem remorseful. How do I handle witnessing this ongoing conflict between my parents? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)[Seeking help after trauma](/en/learn?tags=seeking-help-after-trauma-1) Thank you for trusting us with this. It sounds like you are going through an incredibly tense and distressing situation at home. It can feel scary, confusing, and frustrating to see your father threaten violence and show no regret for his words or behavior, especially when it happens right in front of others. It's understandable to want him to apologize and realize how much fear and hurt this is causing, both for your mother and for you. Having constant conflict at home, along with the threat of physical harm, can take a serious emotional toll and make you feel powerless. You don't deserve to live in an environment where you are constantly worried about your parents fighting or concerned that someone may get hurt. When arguing escalates to cursing or threats, it crosses a line that can affect everyone's sense of safety. Even if no one has been physically harmed yet, it is still important to treat it as a serious warning sign and take care of your own well-being. When one person in a relationship regularly uses verbal aggression like cursing and makes threats of physical harm, especially in front of others, these behaviors often represent a pattern of control and intimidation rather than isolated moments of anger. The fact that your father shows no remorse when you've approached him suggests that he may not see these behaviors as problematic, which can be concerning. Witnessing ongoing conflict and threats in your home can create lasting impacts, including hypervigilance, anxiety, difficulty trusting relationships, and a sense of responsibility for others' emotions that isn't yours to carry. It's completely normal to feel confused, scared, or frustrated about what you're seeing, and these feelings are valid responses to a difficult situation. If you have a trusted friend, family member, or counselor, talking with them about what's happening may feel like a small relief. Simply sharing the burden of what you're going through and having your perspective met with understanding can help you feel a bit less alone. If possible, you might consider whether there is another relative or close family friend who can offer guidance, a safe space, or help you get professional support if you feel like you need it. If you're worried about your mother's safety or your own, it is completely reasonable to reach out to resources that deal with domestic conflicts. Many communities have helplines dedicated to people experiencing threats or abusive situations at home, and these services are often confidential and can guide you on local options for help. Organizations like the [National Domestic Violence Hotline](https://stories.nomore.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thehotline.org%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=15db5ac2-efcd-4397-9f0d-0dcb1921a044&sig=3778e70235c770037277f2956b56620d74aff05668a53cb9d95c1d7ccde9ce7b) (1-800-799-7233) offer confidential support not just for people directly experiencing abuse, but also for family members and friends who are concerned about someone's safety. You are 18, and that sometimes means you have a bit more ability to speak privately to a counselor, a legal advocate, or a friend's parent without needing permission. There is no shame in wanting more information about how to handle tense or violent behavior at home. Whether your father ever apologizes or not, what matters most is that you and your mother aren't put at risk. No one should be living in fear of a loved one's outbursts turning into harm. It might help to remind yourself that the arguments and threats are not your fault, nor your responsibility to fix. You deserve to feel safe, and to have your concerns taken seriously. While your concern for your family is natural and loving, creating change in this situation is not your responsibility. Taking care of your own emotional needs and seeking support for yourself is not selfish. It's necessary and important. It takes courage to admit that something isn't right at home and to think about reaching out for support. If you decide to speak confidentially to a counselor or helpline, it doesn't mean you're betraying your family. It means you value everyone's safety and well-being. No one should have to carry this burden alone, and you don't have to. You are not alone in feeling upset and worried, and there are people who want to help you. Thank you for trusting us with this. 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Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how)[Español](/es/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how)[日本語](/ja/answer/i-am-18-and-my-parents-fight-frequently-and-my-father-often-curses-at-my-mother-recently-he-threatened-to-hit-her-in-front-of-guests-ive-tried-to-get-him-to-apologize-but-he-doesnt-seem-remorseful-how) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of support with 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Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready