--- title: How do you “validate” your experience with sexual assault? I feel like I don’t have the right to be upset, call myself a survivor, or even consider it sexual assault because I feel like my situation wasn’t bad enough, especially since it wasn’t rape. ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for trusting us with something so deeply personal. What you're sharing-- that inner voice questioning whether your experience "counts" or was... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/how-do-you-validate-your-experience-with-sexual-assault-i-feel-like-i-dont-have-the-right-to-be-upset-call-myself-a-survivor-or-even-consider-it-sexual-assault-because-i-feel-like-my-situation-wasnt-b.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Cuba\]Cuba](/answer/how-do-you-validate-your-experience-with-sexual-assault-i-feel-like-i-dont-have-the-right-to-be-upset-call-myself-a-survivor-or-even-consider-it-sexual-assault-because-i-feel-like-my-situation-wasnt-b?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/answer/how-do-you-validate-your-experience-with-sexual-assault-i-feel-like-i-dont-have-the-right-to-be-upset-call-myself-a-survivor-or-even-consider-it-sexual-assault-because-i-feel-like-my-situation-wasnt-b?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/answer/how-do-you-validate-your-experience-with-sexual-assault-i-feel-like-i-dont-have-the-right-to-be-upset-call-myself-a-survivor-or-even-consider-it-sexual-assault-because-i-feel-like-my-situation-wasnt-b?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El 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Send it to us 🇺🇸 # How do you “validate” your experience with sexual assault? I feel like I don’t have the right to be upset, call myself a survivor, or even consider it sexual assault because I feel like my situation wasn’t bad enough, especially since it wasn’t rape. \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of adult experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-adult-experiences) Thank you for trusting us with something so deeply personal. What you're sharing-- that inner voice questioning whether your experience "counts" or was "bad enough"-- reflects a struggle that resonates with many survivors. Please know that these doubts don't make your experience any less real or your pain any less valid. Every person's experience with sexual assault is profoundly unique, and there simply isn't a measuring stick for trauma. Your feelings are completely valid, and you have every right to honor exactly what you're experiencing. Sexual assault encompasses a wide spectrum of unwanted sexual behaviors, and each form can leave lasting impacts that matter deeply. While rape is one form of sexual assault, it exists alongside many other violations that cause real harm including groping, forced kissing, unwanted touching over or under clothing, being made to touch someone else, or any other sexual contact without your permission. None of these experiences are "lesser than" others, regardless of the circumstances or your relationship to the person involved. What makes your experience significant isn't the specific act, but the fact that your boundaries were crossed and you were harmed. How it made you feel and continues to affect your well-being is what truly matters. Your feelings and reactions belong entirely to you, and they're valid regardless of how your experience might compare to others or what you see portrayed in media or stories. Trauma lives in your body and mind based on your personal experience, not on some external measure of "severity." Some people carry deep wounds from experiences others might dismiss, while others may respond differently to what seems more obviously traumatic. All of these responses are completely normal and valid. Your personal impact is what defines your experience. Validating your own experience begins with the radical act of acknowledging your feelings without judgment or conditions. What happened to you was not okay, and every emotion you're feeling, whether it is upset, confused, hurt, angry, or anything else, makes complete sense. It's so common for survivors to question themselves, especially when society often sends mixed messages about what "counts." This internal questioning is often your mind's way of trying to protect you from a difficult reality, but it doesn't diminish the truth of what happened or your absolute right to name your experience in whatever way feels most accurate to you. Many survivors find themselves caught between self-doubt and the deep knowing that something significant happened to them. Both of these feelings can exist at the same time, and that's okay too. The beautiful thing about the word "survivor" is that it belongs to anyone who chooses to claim it after experiencing sexual violence of any kind. There's no application process, no committee to convince, no threshold to meet. If this word feels right to you, it's yours. You don't need anyone else's permission or validation to use it. Similarly, every emotion you're experiencing belongs to you and deserves space. Try to offer yourself the same compassion and understanding you would naturally give to a dear friend facing something similar. Healing often happens in community, and reaching out to someone you trust-- whether a close friend, family member, or counselor-- can provide the support and validation that helps process these complex feelings. Sometimes hearing someone else witness your experience and affirm that it matters can be profoundly healing. Remember that you are the ultimate expert on your own experience, and you deserve support and healing exactly as you are, without needing to justify or minimize what happened to make others more comfortable. You are not alone in this journey, even when it feels isolating. Your experience matters deeply, and you have every right to define it in whatever way feels true to you. Please be incredibly gentle with yourself as you navigate this. Healing isn't linear, and there's no timeline you need to follow. Take all the time you need, and know that your story and your healing are both worthy of respect and care. Thank you for trusting us with this. 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Try a grounding activity For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Show resources for \[Image: United States\]United States [\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/answer/how-do-you-validate-your-experience-with-sexual-assault-i-feel-like-i-dont-have-the-right-to-be-upset-call-myself-a-survivor-or-even-consider-it-sexual-assault-because-i-feel-like-my-situation-wasnt-b?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/answer/how-do-you-validate-your-experience-with-sexual-assault-i-feel-like-i-dont-have-the-right-to-be-upset-call-myself-a-survivor-or-even-consider-it-sexual-assault-because-i-feel-like-my-situation-wasnt-b?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/answer/how-do-you-validate-your-experience-with-sexual-assault-i-feel-like-i-dont-have-the-right-to-be-upset-call-myself-a-survivor-or-even-consider-it-sexual-assault-because-i-feel-like-my-situation-wasnt-b?country=bo)[\[Image: 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Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. Violence, hate, or exploitation Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion Bullying or unwanted contact Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages Scam, fraud, or impersonation Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else False information Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation Submit ### Share Feedback Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving. Submit ### Log in Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile. Send link Grounding activity Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready