---
title: I'm confused about my experience and don't know if it even counts as anything, but I need help figuring this out. When I was in kindergarten, I had a best friend in 1st grade. We always sat together on the bus. One day he told me he needed to "check" me for something and told me to lift up my shirt. My mom had taught me never to do that for anyone, so I said no. He grabbed my shirt anyway and groped me, then told me my nipples must have been cut off at birth because I was so flat. Our bus driver saw and reported it, and it became a huge thing. He had to sit in a different seat and got so angry that I "got him in trouble," even though I never told on him. After that he followed me around and tried to hit me, and I'd hide from him with teachers, but they just thought we were playing. I keep going back and forth on whether this counts as abuse since he never touched me below the waist or penetrated me with his fingers. I don't know if I'm allowed to call this COCSA or if I'm overreacting. ~ Our Wave Community
description: <p>Thank you for trusting us with this. What you are describing took real courage to put into words, and the fact that you are here, still trying to make...
url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941.md
---

{{customAnalyticsScripts}}

[\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/)

[

Community

](/en/)[

Questions & Answers

](/en/learn)[

Find Support

](/en/resources)

Share story

Post a message

0

Users

0

Views

0

Reactions

0

Stories read

##### Need to take a break?

Try a grounding activity

For immediate help, visit {{resource}}

Show resources for

\[Image: Canada\]Canada

[\[Image: United States\]United States](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=bo)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941)[Español](/es/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941)[日本語](/ja/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941)

[

About Us

](https://www.ourwave.org/en/who-we-are)

Made with in Raleigh, NC

Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms)

Have feedback? Send it to us

🇺🇸

# I'm confused about my experience and don't know if it even counts as anything, but I need help figuring this out. When I was in kindergarten, I had a best friend in 1st grade. We always sat together on the bus. One day he told me he needed to "check" me for something and told me to lift up my shirt. My mom had taught me never to do that for anyone, so I said no. He grabbed my shirt anyway and groped me, then told me my nipples must have been cut off at birth because I was so flat. Our bus driver saw and reported it, and it became a huge thing. He had to sit in a different seat and got so angry that I "got him in trouble," even though I never told on him. After that he followed me around and tried to hit me, and I'd hide from him with teachers, but they just thought we were playing. I keep going back and forth on whether this counts as abuse since he never touched me below the waist or penetrated me with his fingers. I don't know if I'm allowed to call this COCSA or if I'm overreacting.

\[Image: Dr. Laura\]

Answer by **Dr. Laura**

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)

Thank you for trusting us with this. What you are describing took real courage to put into words, and the fact that you are here, still trying to make sense of something that happened to you when you were very small, matters. The confusion you are feeling makes complete sense.

You are not overreacting. You said no. You said it because your mother had taught you that your body was yours, and you knew that in your bones and acted on it. He did not listen. He grabbed your shirt and groped you anyway. That is not a gray area. You said no, he heard you, and he grabbed you anyway. Your body was touched without your permission by someone who ignored your refusal. That is what sexual abuse is, regardless of which part of your body was touched. And then he used your body to humiliate you, making a comment designed to make you feel ashamed. None of that is something a child just does.

I want to speak directly to the way you are measuring your own experience, because it is something many survivors do without realizing it. You named it yourself: the idea that what happened to you does not count because he did not touch your genitals or penetrate you. This is one of the most common and most harmful myths that survivors carry. Sexual abuse is not defined by a checklist of specific body parts or specific acts. It is defined by the violation of your bodily autonomy (your right to decide what happens to your own body), by the absence of consent (your clear agreement), and by the harm caused. Your chest is part of your body. You told him no. He grabbed you anyway and then mocked you for it. That is a violation. The fact that it did not go further does not make what happened smaller. It makes what happened exactly what it was.

[COCSA](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ourwave.org%2Fen%2Fpost%2Funderstanding-cocsa-and-breaking-cycles-of-childhood-harm&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=eb8cfdcf-1549-4e13-90b4-00278f60b753&sig=82efb5761030d86019e7fce845b83d0ba57c1872eb94aa7809ff0996c8f683df) stands for child-on-child sexual abuse. It refers to sexual behavior between children that involves force, pressure, or a disregard for one child's clearly expressed boundaries. You said no. He grabbed you. That is both pressure and force happening at the same time. The bus driver recognized it as serious enough to report and to separate you. The adults around you, even imperfectly, saw that something real had occurred. Your own body and memory have held onto this for a reason. COCSA is also more common than most people realize, and that is not something that makes it less serious, only less isolating to know. When it involves children close in age, people often dismiss it or soften it into "kids being kids," and that dismissal is its own kind of harm.

The follow-up harassment matters too. He became angry and punitive, meaning he tried to punish you, when there were consequences, following you and trying to hurt you physically afterward. You were doing everything right, staying close to your teachers, trying to stay safe. The adults who brushed it off as play were wrong. You were not wrong for needing protection. Those are patterns of control and retaliation, and they are part of what happened to you, not separate from it.

It is also worth naming that he was a child too, and it is possible he had been exposed to harm himself or was experiencing it, because that is often part of how these behaviors develop in young children. That context is not an excuse, and it does not change what happened to you or how it affected you. Both of those things can be true at the same time.

The confusion you feel, the sense that maybe you are overreacting or that your experience does not rise to a certain level, is something many survivors describe. It is one of the quieter effects of childhood harm: you grow up questioning your own memory of what happened. That questioning is not evidence that it was not serious. It is often a sign of exactly how early and how deeply the experience affected you, before you even had the words or the context to understand it. The fact that this has stayed with you, that you are here asking this question, tells you something important about the weight this has carried.

If you find yourself wanting to talk through this with someone, RAINN offers [free, confidential support at rainn.org](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Frainn.org%2Fhelp-and-healing%2Fhotline%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=en&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=eb8cfdcf-1549-4e13-90b4-00278f60b753&sig=f85e5ea770b2488690333c30f82ab528eef716641585b882447cbde73a0e7cd3) or by calling 1-800-656-4673. They are trained to talk through exactly these kinds of experiences without pressure and without judgment, and you do not need to have a certain kind of story or a certain level of severity to reach out. If you have access to a therapist, particularly one who works with childhood trauma, this would also be a meaningful thing to bring into that space. You do not need to arrive with a label already decided. You can bring exactly what you brought here, the confusion, the memory, the question of whether it counts, and work through it together.

You came here not entirely sure if your experience was real or valid or serious enough to name, and then you named it anyway, in detail, honestly. That is not a small thing. The community here at Our Wave exists for exactly this, for people who are still in the middle of figuring it out, who need a place where they will be taken seriously before they have all the answers. You have that here. What happened to you was real, you are not overreacting, and you deserve support in carrying this forward.

Random Question

0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s)

[

0 Comment(s) Comment(s)

](/en/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941#comments)

### Discard message?

You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it?

Cancel

Discard

##### Similar community content

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate

0

Users

0

Views

0

Reactions

0

Stories read

##### Need to take a break?

Try a grounding activity

For immediate help, visit {{resource}}

Show resources for

\[Image: Canada\]Canada

[\[Image: United States\]United States](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=us)[\[Image: Argentina\]Argentina](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ar)[\[Image: Australia\]Australia](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=au)[\[Image: Bolivia\]Bolivia](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=bo)[\[Image: Chile\]Chile](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=cl)[\[Image: Colombia\]Colombia](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=co)[\[Image: Costa Rica\]Costa Rica](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=cr)[\[Image: Cuba\]Cuba](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=cu)[\[Image: Dominican Republic\]Dominican Republic](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=do)[\[Image: Ecuador\]Ecuador](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ec)[\[Image: El Salvador\]El Salvador](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=sv)[\[Image: Equatorial Guinea\]Equatorial Guinea](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=gq)[\[Image: Guatemala\]Guatemala](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=gt)[\[Image: Honduras\]Honduras](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=hn)[\[Image: Ireland\]Ireland](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ie)[\[Image: Japan\]Japan](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=jp)[\[Image: Mexico\]Mexico](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=mx)[\[Image: Nicaragua\]Nicaragua](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ni)[\[Image: New Zealand\]New Zealand](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto Rico\]Puerto Rico](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=pr)[\[Image: Spain\]Spain](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=es)[\[Image: United Kingdom\]United Kingdom](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=gb)[\[Image: Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941?country=ve)

English

[English](/en/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941)[Español](/es/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941)[日本語](/ja/answer/hi-everyone-i-am-confused-about-my-cocsa-experience-and-i-want-to-talk-about-it-because-idek-if-its-even-considered-it-and-i-really-really-need-help-when-i-was-in-kindergarten-i-had-this-friend-who-wa-941)

For immediate help, visit {{resource}}

Made with in Raleigh, NC

|

Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms)

|

[

#### Resources

](/en/resources)

### Post a Message

Share a message of support with the community.

Continue

We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support.

Post

Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted.

### Ask a Question

Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors.

Continue

We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support.

Submit

### How can we help?

Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly.

Violence, hate, or exploitation

Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion

Bullying or unwanted contact

Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages

Scam, fraud, or impersonation

Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else

False information

Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation

Submit

### Share Feedback

Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving.

Submit

### Log in

Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile.

Send link

Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1\. Where am I?

2\. What day of the week is today?

3\. What is today’s date?

4\. What is the current month?

5\. What is the current year?

6\. How old am I?

7\. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.

Try another grounding activity

I feel grounded and ready