Fourteen years is a long time to carry something alone, and living under the same roof as the person who did it must be so hard.
You were asleep. A... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇲🇽 # About 14 years ago, I fell asleep and woke up to my dad's son with his private parts between my legs. I never gave consent. There were also times when I fell asleep and he would put his hand on my butt. I live with him 24/7, and I feel like I can't tell anyone. I need help. \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences) Fourteen years is a long time to carry something alone, and living under the same roof as the person who did it must be so hard. You were asleep. A sleeping person cannot give consent, so nothing about what happened depended on anything you did or didn't do. Survivors of harm that happens during sleep often find themselves combing back through the memory, wondering if they missed a sign or should have woken sooner. None of those questions change where the responsibility sits. It sits with him. The feeling that you can't tell anyone makes a lot of sense given where you are. When the person who caused harm is family, telling can feel like it will break something. For example, your relationship with your dad, the peace of the household, the version of the family everyone else believes in. Many survivors describe staying quiet to protect the people around them, or because they fear they won't be believed, or because they have to keep sharing a kitchen and a hallway with him no matter what happens next. Silence in a situation like yours is a survival strategy. It has kept you functioning. Living with him around the clock also asks a lot of your body. Clinicians use the word [hypervigilance](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fhealth.clevelandclinic.org%2Fhypervigilance&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=es&countryId=mx&src=answer&questionId=3161dfdb-b999-4c08-92a6-22c139895cd9&sig=ac2ef774fb4d9047ef4488d72e5bb5b81947e5b1089787987543a9b9aebf0541) to describe a nervous system that stays on alert, scanning for danger even when nothing is happening in the moment. You might notice it as trouble sleeping, tension when you hear him in the next room, or exhaustion that doesn't match how much you've actually done. None of it means you are overreacting. Your body is responding to a real history in a space where you can't fully relax. If any of what you described is still happening, including him touching you while you sleep, your safety right now matters most. A lock on your bedroom door, keeping your phone close at night, or staying somewhere else on nights you feel uneasy are all reasonable choices, and you don't owe anyone an explanation for them. If you're ever in immediate danger, you can call 911. You don't have to decide today whether to tell your family, and you don't have to tell anyone face to face. I noticed your message came from Mexico, so I want to share some options that are available there. Since you live with him, a good first step is one you can take quietly. The Consejo Ciudadano's Chat de Confianza is on WhatsApp at 55 5533 5533, 24 hours a day, every day. It's free, and they can offer emotional support and legal guidance by text, so no one in the house has to hear you. If you'd rather talk by phone, Mexico's national Línea de las Mujeres is free anywhere in the country. Call 079 and choose option 1. You might call when you're out of the house or know you won't be overheard. You can share exactly what you wrote here and let someone trained help you think through what comes next, at your pace. You reached out once already by writing this. You can do it again. Thank you for trusting us with this. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965#comments) ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. 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Zealand](/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965?country=nz)[\[Image: Panama\]Panama](/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965?country=pa)[\[Image: Paraguay\]Paraguay](/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965?country=py)[\[Image: Peru\]Peru](/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965?country=pe)[\[Image: Puerto 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Uruguay\]Uruguay](/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965?country=uy)[\[Image: Venezuela\]Venezuela](/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965?country=ve) English [English](/en/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965)[Español](/es/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965)[日本語](/ja/answer/about-14-years-ago-i-fell-asleep-and-without-my-consent-my-dads-son-came-in-and-when-i-woke-up-he-had-his-private-parts-between-my-legs-when-i-fell-asleep-he-would-put-his-hand-on-my-butt-i-live-with-965) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready