--- title: My cousin, a year younger than me, started touching me in sexual ways when we were both minors. This happened years ago, but I'm still trying to make sense of it. At first it was hugs that felt weird, but it escalated. He'd press himself against me searching for friction, he'd get into my bed at night with an erection against my body, and eventually he touched my butt and breasts and tried to get his hand under my shirt. I put boundaries up a few times but I wasn't firm about it because I didn't want things to be awkward between us, especially since we were on family vacation and still around each other all the time. I still see him at family gatherings now, and I still don't know how to think about what happened between us because we were both minors. Was something wrong with me? How do I categorize this? ~ Our Wave Community description:

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us. It sounds like you've been carrying this quietly for a long time, and the fact that you're... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/a-few-years-ago-i-had-an-unpleasant-experience-i-have-a-cousin-who-is-a-year-younger-than-me-at-the-time-we-were-both-minors-when-this-started-im-160-meters-tall-and-hes-180-meters-a-lot-of-things-are-953.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇨🇱 # My cousin, a year younger than me, started touching me in sexual ways when we were both minors. This happened years ago, but I'm still trying to make sense of it. At first it was hugs that felt weird, but it escalated. He'd press himself against me searching for friction, he'd get into my bed at night with an erection against my body, and eventually he touched my butt and breasts and tried to get his hand under my shirt. I put boundaries up a few times but I wasn't firm about it because I didn't want things to be awkward between us, especially since we were on family vacation and still around each other all the time. I still see him at family gatherings now, and I still don't know how to think about what happened between us because we were both minors. Was something wrong with me? How do I categorize this? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences) Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us. It sounds like you've been carrying this quietly for a long time, and the fact that you're reaching out now, still trying to make sense of it, tells me your body knew something wasn't right. That knowing is worth trusting. What you're describing sounds like it has a pattern to it. It started with contact that felt strange but seemed small. Then it grew, consistently. It moved into increasingly intimate touching, his body pressing against yours seeking friction, him entering your bed without invitation and refusing to leave when you asked, and eventually groping your breasts and reaching under your clothes. Each step was slightly bigger than the one before. That escalation is significant because it makes each new boundary harder to name or stop. It sounds like you tried to set limits on him, even though you mentioned you weren't firm because you didn't want things to feel uncomfortable between you. That's not a failure on your part. When someone is family and when you're in a shared space like a vacation, saying something forceful might feel risky in ways that go beyond the immediate moment. Young people in family situations are often navigating an impossible position where a clear "no" feels socially costly or disruptive. Trying to manage things carefully, redirecting, setting quieter limits, getting him out of your bed when you could...those were all real attempts to protect yourself under pressure. Some people use the term [COCSA](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ourwave.org%2Fen%2Fpost%2Funderstanding-cocsa-and-breaking-cycles-of-childhood-harm&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=es&countryId=cl&src=answer&questionId=824bd9b9-cfea-435c-bf80-a3da0912d21d&sig=82efb5761030d86019e7fce845b83d0ba57c1872eb94aa7809ff0996c8f683df), or child-on-child sexual abuse, to describe experiences like yours. It's more common than most people realize. What makes something harmful isn't whether you have a perfect label for it. It's whether it was wanted, whether limits were respected, whether you felt safe. None of those were true in what you described. You also deserve to know that young people who engage in this kind of behavior often have their own histories of exposure to inappropriate material or even harm themselves. That doesn't excuse what he did to you. It doesn't erase your experience. It just sometimes explains where this kind of harm comes from. How you name what happened is entirely yours to decide, in your own time. What matters right now is recognizing you didn't cause this, you didn't invite it, and it left a mark. If you're ready, talking with a therapist trained in trauma could help you process what this means to you, especially since you still see him at family gatherings. The weight of that is real, and you don't have to carry it alone. Thank you for reaching out to us. Random Question 0 Upvote(s) Upvote(s) [ 0 Comment(s) Comment(s) ](/en/answer/a-few-years-ago-i-had-an-unpleasant-experience-i-have-a-cousin-who-is-a-year-younger-than-me-at-the-time-we-were-both-minors-when-this-started-im-160-meters-tall-and-hes-180-meters-a-lot-of-things-are-953#comments) ### Discard message? You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it? Cancel Discard ##### Similar community content Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. 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[English](/en/answer/a-few-years-ago-i-had-an-unpleasant-experience-i-have-a-cousin-who-is-a-year-younger-than-me-at-the-time-we-were-both-minors-when-this-started-im-160-meters-tall-and-hes-180-meters-a-lot-of-things-are-953)[Español](/es/answer/a-few-years-ago-i-had-an-unpleasant-experience-i-have-a-cousin-who-is-a-year-younger-than-me-at-the-time-we-were-both-minors-when-this-started-im-160-meters-tall-and-hes-180-meters-a-lot-of-things-are-953)[日本語](/ja/answer/a-few-years-ago-i-had-an-unpleasant-experience-i-have-a-cousin-who-is-a-year-younger-than-me-at-the-time-we-were-both-minors-when-this-started-im-160-meters-tall-and-hes-180-meters-a-lot-of-things-are-953) For immediate help, visit {{resource}} Made with in Raleigh, NC | Read our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines), [Privacy Policy](https://www.ourwave.org/en/privacy), and [Terms](https://www.ourwave.org/en/terms) | [ #### Resources ](/en/resources) ### Post a Message Share a message of 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Continue We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support. Post Please adhere to our [Community Guidelines](https://www.ourwave.org/en/community-guidelines) to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted. ### Ask a Question Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors. Continue We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support. Submit ### How can we help? Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly. 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready