Thank you for reaching out to us. In short, yes, it is wrong, and yes, it is serious.
A 20-year-old asking a 17-year-old for photographs of their... url: https://community.ourwave.org/en/answer/a-20-year-old-asked-a-17-year-old-to-send-photographs-of-their-body-is-that-actually-wrong-is-it-really-that-serious-even-when-there-was-no-direct-threat-and-it-was-just-something-that-was-brought-up.md --- {{customAnalyticsScripts}} [\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]\[Image: Our Wave Logo\]](/en/) [ Community ](/en/)[ Questions & Answers ](/en/learn)[ Find Support ](/en/resources) Share story Post a message 0 Users 0 Views 0 Reactions 0 Stories read ##### Need to take a break? 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Send it to us 🇲🇽 # A 20-year-old asked a 17-year-old to send photographs of their body. Is that actually wrong? Is it really that serious, even when there was no direct threat and it was just something that was brought up? And what would have happened if the 17-year-old hadn't sent anything? \[Image: Dr. Laura\] Answer by **Dr. Laura** PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner Topics:[Making sense of childhood experiences](/en/learn?tags=making-sense-of-childhood-experiences)[Understanding specific types of trauma and harm](/en/learn?tags=understanding-specific-types-of-trauma-and-harm) Thank you for reaching out to us. In short, yes, it is wrong, and yes, it is serious. A 20-year-old asking a 17-year-old for photographs of their body is, in most places in the world, a crime regardless of how it was framed. It does not have to come with a threat to be illegal or harmful. In many jurisdictions, soliciting sexual images from someone under 18 constitutes child sexual exploitation material, even when the person doing the asking would describe it as casual, curious, or no big deal. The law draws a clear line at 18 precisely because the power gap between a legal adult and a minor is real, even when the age difference looks small on paper. The question of whether it counts if there was no explicit threat is worth sitting with. Requests for sexual images rarely arrive with explicit pressure. What research on [online grooming](https://community.ourwave.org/_external/link?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thorn.org%2Fblog%2Fonline-grooming-what-it-is-how-it-happens-and-how-to-defend-children%2F&resourceId=non_specific&localeId=es&countryId=us&src=answer&questionId=3ff5811b-a639-4f9a-80e8-d87d192703b8&sig=501782d4c8e38c24db3e679bc3cea80f893a057d82fa6fa0b92ad0401e7d9194) consistently shows is that these requests are often made to seem low-stakes, offhand, or like the most natural thing in the world. The casualness is part of how it works. When someone older frames a sexual request as no big deal, it puts the weight of refusal on the younger person, who then becomes the one who is uptight, oversensitive, making it weird. It shifts the discomfort from the person who asked to the person who was asked. Recognizing that dynamic matters. As for what would have happened if the 17-year-old had not sent anything...nothing bad would have happened to them because of that. Not sending was the right call. If there was any pressure or implication that things would go badly, that is a form of coercion regardless of whether it came with explicit words. None of this depends on whether the 20-year-old seemed nice, or whether there were feelings involved, or whether the rest of the relationship felt comfortable. Adults ask minors for things they should not ask for all the time while presenting as friendly and safe. The problem is not anyone's read of the situation. The problem is the ask itself. If the 17-year-old in this situation is carrying confusion or weight around what happened, speaking with a counselor who works with young people is a solid next step. An experience does not have to be dramatic to deserve support in making sense of it. 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Name the following out loud: 5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window) 4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?) 3 – things you can hear 2 – things you can smell 1 – thing you like about yourself. Take a deep breath to end. From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at. Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one). Take a deep breath to end. Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud: 1\. Where am I? 2\. What day of the week is today? 3\. What is today’s date? 4\. What is the current month? 5\. What is the current year? 6\. How old am I? 7\. What season is it? Take a deep breath to end. Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder. Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud. Take a deep breath to end. Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment. Take a deep breath to end. Try another grounding activity I feel grounded and ready