Is it considered Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA) if it involved kissing at ages 7-9? When visiting a relative, their daughter my age initiated a "game" that involved kissing on multiple occasions when we were alone. While I didn't stop her and engaged somewhat, I declined when she suggested removing clothing. Another child also kissed me unexpectedly in a closet, and I engaged back. Is this considered COCSA if I somewhat knew what was happening and participated?

Thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings with such honesty. What you've described falls into a complex area of childhood sexual behaviors. When children of similar ages engage in exploratory behaviors like kissing, it often exists in a gray area between normal developmental curiosity and potentially problematic behavior.

Childhood is a time of curiosity and exploration, and it's not uncommon for children to engage in behaviors like kissing or games that involve physical closeness. Sexual play or exploration between children of similar ages (like you've described) is actually quite common. Many children engage in some form of body exploration or sexual play as part of normal development.

From what you've described, it sounds like you and the other children were around the same age, and the activities involved mutual engagement. You mentioned that you didn't feel forced and that you participated willingly at the time. What distinguishes healthy curiosity from concerning behavior includes factors like whether there was pressure, manipulation, or a significant power imbalance.

The term COCSA generally refers to situations where one child uses manipulation, coercion, or a power differential to engage another child in sexual activity beyond age-appropriate curiosity. It typically involves situations where there's a significant age difference, power imbalance, or when one child uses manipulation or force. Importantly, you were able to decline further activity when you weren't comfortable (like when clothing removal was suggested), and that boundary appears to have been respected.

The awkwardness you feel now is completely understandable. Many adults look back on childhood exploration with mixed feelings, especially as we gain more adult understanding of sexuality and boundaries. This discomfort doesn't necessarily mean the experience was abusive, but it does reflect how our perspective changes as we mature. It's okay to have mixed emotions about past experiences, especially as you gain more understanding about relationships and personal boundaries.

If these experiences continue to cause you concern or discomfort, speaking with a qualified therapist could be helpful. They can provide personalized guidance about processing these memories and navigating current interactions with this relative. Remember that your feelings about these experiences are valid regardless of how they might be categorized, and seeking clarity shows a great deal of self-awareness and maturity. Your feelings matter, and it's important to take care of your emotional well-being as you continue to reflect and grow. Thank you for trusting us with this.